It was a beautiful weekend. We got the rain (not enough) and then the sun came out again and we've been in the high 70's my kind of weather.
Yesterday was a tough day for me. Everything that was said I took personally. That's not usually like me. I really had a tough time teaching SS. I finally just had to have Brother Nowling take over before I said something I shouldn't. I went upstairs to the sanctuary and cried and prayed during the rest of Sunday School and even during worship and the message. I couldn't turn the tears off. Brother Nowling preached a wonderful message about the laver in the wilderness temple and it's comparison to the spiritual today (even through my tears I was listening). After church I said very little to anyone because I just barely had the tears at bay.
From church Brother Nowling and I went to take his mom home. I said very little the whole way. Brother Nowling's mom and I have been very close over the years but as old age creeps up on her, she has changed drastically. At the beginning of the week we really hit heads. She was wanting to help by doing another thrift sale on the weekend. She was being so persistant but I finally flat out told her "no". I couldn't get through the boxes and the basement. Brother Nowling and I had to do a lot of it together at this point and we couldn't expect the girls to do it. She went off saying what did she even come for then! The week did get better (although she was alone a lot of it, but she assured us that was ok) and she got a lot of deep cleaning done on our house. When we left her she said "see you in heaven some day". She won't believe us that we'll be back to see her before we leave (she lives an hour and half a way) and now she says she's not about to fly. Last night wasn't much better when it came to my sensitivity.
Why is it so many think we will have fallen off the earth by going to Alaska. My brother didn't come this weekend because we weren't all going to be home, and I only had a few hours I could spend with him (which he knew ahead of time but didn't realize to what extent) any way he changed it to next weekend because he doesn't know when he'll ever see us again.
Thankfully I think I woke up this morning feeling better. I hope so, tears at work aren't a good thing.
This week my goals are to help Joleesa finish the last of her school. She doesn't have to be done until July 10th but we both want it done with.
Then I need to get everything cleared off that my brother will be picking up next week.
Lastly I need to make a final decision about camp. I sent off emails to the pastors. We need committments from our people as I have to let the campground know how many on Friday. Friday is also our last day to cancel without losing our deposit. Please pray about this. I was not wanting to cancel...and yet deep in my soul I feel we will and that it's probably the best thing considering some circumstances (not just ours but our regions). But my heart aches for our youth in this region. They have had such a struggle this year and for the most part aren't doing to good. I want to be able to look beyond my own circumstances and do what's best for everyone. We have to have a certain number as to pull it off and when I talked to our IA's church youth leader it sounded like several may not be able to make it because of finances. In the past we have been able to sponsor young people but because of the different campground, not this year. Fund raisers have been available but unfortunately some get to use to it being given to them. Anyway I desire your prayers. I will be making a final decision on Thursday.
Everyone have a good week.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Tears and Feelings
Posted by J Nowling at 7:16 AM
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Since Sis. Smith covered the practical side, I'll take the emotional side.
It hurts very much to have our family act as though we are moving to the moon and that they will NEVER, EVER see us again. My mother-in-law actually disowned my husband when we told them that we were moving to Canada to pastor. Now mind you, they can DRIVE, they don't have to fly, to come see us, but will they...NO. Every opportunity they get, they try to make us feel guilty for being obedient to God.
I said that so that you will know that I truly do understand how much you are hurting. Now...how to get around that, one, you do allow the tears to flow otherwise, you might just explode and that is never a good thing. Two, you trust in what you KNOW that God is leading you to do. Three, you rest in His arms and allow Him to deal with their hearts, their words and their opinions. Just keep reminding yourself that you are following Him and no one else. And four, allow His healing balm to flow over your wounds. God is able to strengthen you, to give you that peace that passeth all understanding and to keep your mind fixed on Him. Hang in there. I'll be praying.
Thank you sooooo much Sister. The words of encouragement were needed more than you'll ever know.
I agree about Alaska not being the moon. I think once they get use to us being there, they'll see the opportunity of a grand vacation while visiting us.
Sister Tammy - You must have been commenting at the same time I was because your post wasn't there at the time I commented. I appreciate your input. The worse thing about everything is my timing in the tears - I felt bad for my husband; although at first he thought I just left for the rest room ~smile~
In one way her attitude has made it easier for us. I don't know if that makes sense.
Thank you both for prayers and words of encouragement. I'm sure it won't be the last time I need it.
Your mother-in-law's attitude making it easier, makes complete sense. It was the same for us. We knew that we were in God's will and that the devil wasn't happy because great things were in store, so he was going to fight in every way that he could to discourage us and convince us not to make this move. I do hope that your family will have a change of heart and visit you in Alaska.
:0x ---> This is Sis. Net zipping her mouth and not saying some of the things we've been told.
:0) ---> This is Sis. Net saying she loves you and understands and is praying for you and your family.
:0XX ---> This is Sis. Net really, really wanting to tell what a family member said and what Sis. Net wanted to say back, but thought God would take care of it better!LOL!
Alaska is NOT the moon.
:0) ---> This is Sister Net wishing Sis. Smith would put that statement in the Evening Light!
I don't think putting it the Evening Light would help! Family members I can understand saying some of the things that were said to us...it was TCoG members that blew my mind. You are right to let God handle it. Matter of fact, Sis. Smith reminded me that God is our defender, so step out of the way and allow Him to do exactly that. Funny! I'm falling apart and yet, here I am trying to encourage someone else. Isn't it weird the way God works? My ways are definitely NOT His ways. Love you both!
LOL Sis. Net - I think our Lord must had blogs in mind just for us ladies *smiles big*. As we reach out to one another across the miles what strength we are reaping with the Love of God being the strong cord that is keeping us together (indvidually and as a group).
We sure are ringing those prayer bells these days!
Wow. That scripture hit home in too many ways. We are definitely in a testing time...the Church of God has a whole. I want to be faithful to our soveriegn God.
Hey we just laugh now!
You are right Sis. Tammi,it is more disappointing coming from our TCOG family.
I guess the hierling comments are the most hurtful.
Anyway, sorry Sis. Jada for taking up your blog time.
Please pray for us. We leave for Seattle in the morning and a man is looking at our house today.(He is already pre-approved for a loan.)
I have never had to move for ministry but I have had to move away from people I love so many times because of my husband's job and then because we had to get out of cogop and back to Zion. Time after time we had to leave people we had come to love. Mostly, they never understood why and especially with the move away from cogop. My family never understood our church stuff and they were never saved. My brother doesn't talk to us now. Jeff's family is mildly tolerant of it but getting less so now.
So I know my situations have not been just the same but I sure do understand the emotions of dealing with people who don't understand why you have to do what you feel led to do. I finally figured out that you don't tell people too soon you are leaving because they shut down on you. They go through a grieving process of their own. It's like abandonment. It's not fair and really not logical many times (like people getting mad at someone who dies and leaves them). But it sure does happen. So while you are dealing with all of the unknown and tensions of leaving, the ones being left behind are going through their stuff about it and so it's hard for anyone to support anyone. The ones leaving are busy and there is always the element of excitement around the new place and possibilities. But the ones left behind are focused on the fact that things will be sameo sameo for them but minus someone they care about. And we know people don't like change. That's why moving is so high on the stress scale. I'm just glad that God is very good at managing the stress scale if we let Him. Every time we look back, we see He had it all in hand. Don't know why it's so hard to remember that when we're in the middle of it! That's a lot of rambling just to say that I do understand and I'm still praying for you! Hugs.
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